Monday, November 21, 2011

Knowledge Report: Lori Hodgson on Disconnection

There is no doubt that the practice of disconnection is still in effect.  If you want to find out more about Scientology, and the practice of disconnection, GO HERE!  Watch this video to see the effects of disconnection on this one person, and read her entire story after the video.

by Lori Hodgson

February 6, 2011 is a day that I will never forget, a day that haunts me
daily as I struggle with the insurmountable anguish and heartbreak of
being "disconnected" from my children at the hands of the Church Of
Scientology. My children, the very essence of my being were forced to
choose between remaining in contact with me after my resignation from
Scientology or their eternity and good standing in the church. I could
have never imagined that the belief system I once valued would actively
recruit my minor children to work on staff and induct my son into the Sea
Organization (a dedicated group within Scientology in which one signs a
one billion year contract to serve Scientology for this lifetime and
future lifetimes as well) against my wishes, restrict my contact with
them and force my son to sign a three million dollar gag contract,
silencing him from speaking out about his time within the Sea
Organization before he could effectively route out of the Sea
Organization. Unfortunately, this is my reality.

If I had known in 1976 when I joined Scientology at the age of thirteen
as Lori Moore, that if I chose to leave one day, I would lose my
children, my family and friends that remained in Scientology, I would
never have participated in such a cruel organization.

When I first joined, I liked Scientology. I felt it enhanced my
communication skills and improved my life. After two years, at age
fifteen, I signed a five year contract with the Church of Scientology
Stevens Creek Mission as an employee on a part time basis. At the age of
sixteen, I was actively recruited to join the SO myself. I had a sick
feeling at the pit of my stomach, something didn't feel right and my
instincts told me to say no.

In 1982, my fourth year on staff, I witnessed many odd things. I was
being instructed to help the full time staff wash their cars and donate
money to them, it seemed so crazy and I wanted to get out of there. I
stayed one more year finishing my contract with the church and went to
college for six years. I struggled in college due to the fact that I did
not receive a full high school education but I persisted and received my

While being away at college kept me away from actively participating in
Scientology courses, in 1987 I returned as a public parishioner, positive
that I did not want to be on staff.
In the years that followed, I
married a fellow Scientologist, becoming Lori Leake and we had two
children, Jessica and Jeremy. Bearing children while in the Sea
Organization is forbidden, however during my pregnancy with Jessica, I
was approached once again to joining the SO. I told the recruiter that
my then husband, Jim Leake, was not qualified for the SO and the
recruiter said that joining the SO was for the greatest good and not to
worry about my husband. I looked at her with disgust and thought to
myself, you can take your greatest good crap and shove it!!

In 1995, my children were two and four and a half years old, I became the
preschool director of a Scientology school. I remember an instance where
I saw the owner of the school crying. I approached her and asked," Why
are you crying?"

I'll never forget her response, "My daughter is joining the Sea
Organization and there is nothing I can do to stop it!"

I thought to myself, "Wow! That is strange, why would she be unable to
stop her fifteen year old daughter from signing a billion year contract
with the Sea Org!"

I went home that day and shared the incident with my then husband,
Jessica and Jeremy's father. I told him that I would never approve of or
allow our children to join the Sea Org. I thought it was nuts and had
heard horror stories of parents never seeing their children again.

Our opinions on this matter differed. His step son from his first
marriage, Chris Leake, had joined the Sea Org at the age of twelve or
thirteen and went "Over the Rainbow". This meant that he had gone to a
place within Scientology with an extremely high level of security (a
secret place) and his mother was not even aware of his location. I
couldn't imagine how his mother felt. Incidentally, Chris ended up
marrying LRH's granddaughter, Rhoanne.

We divorced in 2002, shortly thereafter; I removed my children from the
Scientology school and placed them in public school. As a single mother,
I could no longer afford the steep prices of the private Scientology
school. After growing up in a Scientology school, Jessica and Jeremy had
to transition to the different setting but adjusted rather well after a
few months.

In 2005, my parental rights began to be violated. Jessica was fifteen and
in her second semester of her sophomore year of high school. She was
excelling in school, receiving all A's and B's, had many friends and was
looking forward to college. However, after reviewing a staff recruiting
film and speaking with recruiters at the Los Gatos Organization of the
Church of Scientology without my knowledge or permission, she came home
repeating the alarming information that the film had suggested.
Essentially, it was a film demonizing psychiatry and implied that public
schools had a larger influence of psychiatric and street drugs, cheap
propaganda that public schools and the environment it provided was an
unsafe place for her. After reviewing this film, she expressed that she
wanted to drop out of school and obtain her GED in addition to joining
staff at the Church Of Scientology. My fifteen year old daughter, a
MINOR was being recruited to join staff! To put her education aside and
work for the "church". I was shocked by her sudden change of behavior, I
told her absolutely not! I told her that once she turned eighteen she
could make that decision but I preferred she go to college first.

The next nine months were a living hell. I was adamantly against Jessica
joining staff, a feeling that was relayed to the church. While attending
counseling within the church myself, I was pulled from what I was working
on and put into "interrogation" counseling. The Church demanded to know
"who" did not agree with Jessica joining staff, even after I told them
repeatedly that I was the only one who did not want her to join staff. In
Scientology they believe strongly that there is a Suppressive Person
behind this. When the "church" couldn't find their "who" they put me in
extensive Chaplain meetings with the Chaplain, my daughter, her father
and myself. This went on for a couple more months. After all the
pressure I had from Scientology and her father, I finally gave in. We
agreed that Jessica would go to a Scientology school and get her high-
school diploma before joining staff. Surprisingly, Jessica got her non-
accredited diploma when she was sixteen.
I was still trying to persuade
her to not join staff, but she did so against my wishes. She signed a
five year contract and was told if she breaks her contract she will have
a debt (called a free loader debt, for staff training and other
"services" received while on staff). Scientology told Jessica that she
would have to pay off her debt before she was allowed to do any more
Scientology services. I reminded Jessica that this would be her debt if
she left. She said "I'm not going to leave."

It was during this time I married a wonderful man on March 4, 2006.
He is the love of my life, I was now Lori Hodgson. I met him outside of
Scientology. He was not a Scientologist, but took a couple classes.
After observing what I was going through with the Church and my children,
he made the decision to no longer affiliate himself with Scientology.

After Jessica was on staff for a couple months, she was sent to Florida
for training. She was there three months, battling homesickness before
deciding it was not for her and came home. She then worked back at the
Los Gatos Organization for a couple more months, but came to the
determination that she didn't want to be on staff anymore. She had to
have special "interrogating" counseling and do specific "conditions"
before she left. When she left staff she had a $13,000 debt, mainly from
the counseling she was ordered to get because she wanted to leave. It
was completely asinine. On top of her $13,000 debt (at sixteen years
old) she had to do amends. This meant working 100 plus hours to get back
in "good standing" with the "Church". A couple weeks went by and the Los
Gatos Org told Jessica that they have a "Minor Rates Special". This was
that if Jessica could pay off her debt in full in 3 days, they would
knock her debt down to $6,000. It was rumored that fellow Scientologist
were helping Jessica find someone to loan her the money. My mom ended up
loaning Jessica the money; meanwhile, the Scientologist that assisted her
most likely received a commission on Jessica's debt.

In 2007, Jessica was seventeen, working at a preschool and taking junior
college classes in the evening. Jeremy was fourteen and beginning his
freshman year in public high school and actively trying out for the
football team. After a month in school he told me that he didn't like
public school anymore and wanted to attend the Scientology school his
sister attended. This conversation was eerily similar to the one I had
with Jessica not long ago. I was beginning to suspect an entirely new
nightmare was about to begin.

In November 2008, I went to the hospital for a knee replacement surgery.
It was an extremely complicated surgery entailing four long days in the
hospital. One week later on a Friday night, while I was in recovery, my
son Jeremy, at fifteen years old, attended a Sea Org recruiting event
behind my back. That following Sunday, he came over to visit me and
tells me he wants to join the Sea Org. That didn't go over very well.
At this time, I was in excruciating pain from my surgery and on high
levels of pain medication, I was not functioning properly. Jeremy told
me that joining the Sea Org was his sole purpose in his life and he is
aware that it is a billion year contract. Scientologists believe one
lives many life times, coming back with a new body and continuing their
contract to the organization and the Church. I always thought that was
totally crazy! Jeremy said that he needed to leave in a couple days. I
was hysterical, distraught and felt that I was truly at the verge of
losing it.

The pain and high dosages of Percocet (a strong pain pill)
didn't help my state. I told him absolutely NOT! My daughter heard us
and came to see what was wrong. She saw how upset I was and told me
there was nothing she could do. That she was already in an upsetting
situation with Scientology and she couldn't get in the middle. I told
Jeremy in no uncertain terms that he was not to join the Sea Org. He was
a MINOR, a fifteen year old boy without the life experience to make such
a profound decision.

Later that evening, Jeremy came back and continued to ask permission to
join. Every part of me ached, reeled and screamed from the mental and
physical pain. Seeing me in such distress, my husband tried to diffuse
the situation by asking Jeremy to leave and respect my decision as his
mother. Upon Jeremy's refusal, my husband contacted Pat Wehner who was
the ethics officer and Mission holder where I took services. Pat told us
there was nothing he could do, I had heard that before. In the following
days, I was harassed by recruiters trying to persuade me to allow my son
to join the Sea Org. Once again, I contacted Pat in order to help me
write up reports to Mark Warlick, the man in charge of Internal
Scientology Legal Affairs. My reports stated that as Jeremy Leake’s
mother, I was not allowing him to join the Sea Org and I wanted all
recruiting to stop until he was eighteen. The church had their agenda,
they wanted my son.

Because of all the stress, I was not healing properly physically. While
at home, recruiters arrived and stood outside my living room window
insisting that they talk to me. I told them to leave, I couldn't talk and
I had to leave for physical therapy. The interaction really startled me,
I couldn't stop shaking. My father arrived to take me to physical therapy
just as the recruiters left, barely missing each other. After physical
therapy, my dad brought me home and put me to bed and left. Within
minutes, the recruiters were back, pounding on my door for at least
fifteen minutes. I was frantic and frightened, I tried to call my mom but
she was unavailable so I left a message, the recruiters pounding on my
door was recorded. I then called Pat Wehner and he verbally tried to calm
me down. Although he lived right down the street, he did not come over to
assist me.

Seeing that the harassment and constant recruiting was harming my
recovery, my life- long friend Mari met with the two main recruiters,
Gerald and Alexis, at a Starbucks. Mari took time out of her busy day to
get them to understand my physical condition and state of mind. She got
my drug list and details of my surgery which included the information of
my leg basically as the equivalent of being amputated and put back
together. The recruiters told her that they heard I was watching TV and
that if I was able to watch TV then I was able to handle a recruiting
cycle of my son.

After the Mission Holder, Pat Wehner, failed to assist my mother and I in
our pleas to stop this insanity, my mother called Mari and met up with
her to seek guidance in the situation. Mari is a smart person; she
figured out how to best protect me in my condition and helped me secure a
doctor’s note which she then promptly delivered to Mark Warlick, the
legal officer for the Los Gatos org. Later, after the note had been
delivered Mari went to meet with the recruiters who have been pounding on
my door. She wanted to tell them that she orchestrated the contact with
my doctor and obtaining the note, to have this situation corrected once
and for all. Before she was able to tell them what had occurred, she was
told that whoever got the physicians note is a suppressive person! The
recruiting did not cease or even slow down. In fact, they went to my
parents home twice late at night with Jeremy to get my mom to "handle" me
and get me to allow Jeremy to join the Sea Org. They also showed up at my
mother’s place of employment with my son to talk to her again

My health was not improving, in fact it was deteriorating and I was
rushed back to the emergency room where I remained for ten hours. I had
an ovarian cyst rupture and was diagnosed with pneumonia in addition to
my knee which was not healing from replacement surgery. A rupture of an
ovarian cyst if not treated immediately can lead to death. I was
admitted for three days. During this time, the recruiting did ease
slightly and Jeremy and I were growing even closer. He told me he had
changed his mind and no longer wanted to joining the Sea Org. Hearing
those words filled me with such an immense amount of hope and joy!

That joy was short lived. Unbeknownst to me, recruiting was continuing
behind my back despite the many reports I had written to Mark Warlick
insisting the recruiting stop. Jeremy came back to tell me he did want to
join the Sea Org and they promised him that he would continue his
schooling, obtain his driver’s license and his orthodontic treatment
would progress as scheduled. They promised him his own computer and
trips to play golf as well as enticing him with the attractive girls
there, knowing how badly Jeremy wanted a girlfriend.

They also promised me that I could talk to him anytime I wanted to and he
would be able to come home for his birthday and most major holidays. I
fought the constant begging and the coercion by the COS and I felt
hopeless. I felt as if the only way to keep my son, to keep in contact
with him was to allow him to join. If I refused, he would surely
disconnect from me.

The recruiting within the organization is crude and filled with false
promises and lies, these kids do not know what they are getting into.
They are signing billion year contracts without having lived to

On May 4th, Jeremy left for the Sea Org after signing a one billion year
contract for the Church Of Scientology. I signed a power of attorney and
guardianship to Bob Wright. Bob Wright is Jeremy's uncle and worked very
closely under David Miscavige, the leader of the Church. Because Bob is
Jeremy's uncle, I believed he would look after Jeremy's best interest and
well being while in the Sea Org. What I didn't understand fully at the
time is that legally Bob was Jeremy's guardian but many of the decisions
made were made by the COS, not Bob.

The next two weeks, I was preparing for my second knee surgery to replace
my initial knee replacement that had complications. During this time,
Jessica went down to LA with her fiance. She and her fiance were heavily
recruited while she was there to join the Sea Org. Her fiance wanted to
join, but she didn't. The recruiters coerced her by screaming at her to
join, they eventually wore her down and she did join under extreme
pressure and they told her it was her only choice.

While in the hospital, on my second day after surgery, Jessica visits and
says good-bye to me and joins the Sea Org. She also mentioned that she
and Justin (her fiance) were going to get married in a couple days so
they can be together in the SO. I was extremely distraught about not
being there for my only daughter’s wedding and losing her to the SO, but
she was eighteen and as an adult, had the power to make that decision
herself no matter how against it I was. She also signed a billion year
contract like her brother. Now I had lost both of my kids to this
corrupt and cruel, kid stealing organization and the wedding is being
planned while I'm in the hospital! I couldn't wrap my mind around a
"religion" being so cruel and heartless. I was so upset that the next
day I went into shock and luckily my Dad was there, he went to get help,
he didn't think I was going to make it. He ran down the hallway yelling
for help! The medical response team came and pulled me out of the shock.
I felt like I almost died but I got a second chance. I ended up having
to get a full blood transfusion. Since I made it, I was going to make
some changes in my life. Little did I know what was on the horizon for

On my fifth day post op, I was released to my house that used to have the
presence of my two children. I was incredibly grateful that at least I
had my wonderful husband and my loyal dog to greet me and my
compassionate stepson Peter. I had a very difficult recovery, mainly
from the loss of my children being gone and missing them so much! I
remember many heartbreaking nights missing my kids and trying to cope
with all the pain, my stepson Peter would bring me ice packs and just be
there for me.

At this time, my daughter and son were both in the SO, I tried calling
for two weeks, but the SO would not allow me to speak with them. Jeremy
was almost turning sixteen and Jessica was eighteen. Jeremy's sixteenth
birthday was coming up and the SO promised me that my son could come home
for his birthday. Birthdays are very big in my family and we were all
going to have a lovely sixteenth birthday party for my son with his
family who loves him.

I finally got through after three weeks of crying because I couldn't
reach my son on top of recovering from my knee with extensive physical
therapy. Jeremy told me he could not come home for his birthday that he
was not done with his EPF (boot camp type training) and the SO would not
approve for him to come home. Jeremy seemed really upset when he
called but was holding back. I knew how important coming home for his
big day was. The SO monitored his calls and he was not allowed to show
any negative emotions, but only positive emotions when in the SO. I was
extremely upset and so was all my family.

A month passed and Jessica called announcing to me, "I'm coming home!"
She was not allowed to tell me until she had gained authorization from
the SO to do so, another fact I was unaware of at the time. At dinner a
couple months later, Jessica told me what really happened. When Jessica
was packing to go to the SO a day before she left, the SO said there is a
problem with her fiance going with her to FLAG. She and Justin had
planned to marry once they had both arrived in Florida so that they could
remain together while in the SO.

Justin had an Ethics situation and was not approved to go with her, but needed
to go to the Mexico SO to get this handled before he could join her.
Jessica was DEVASTATED about this as she was joining the SO mainly for him,
so they could be together.

The SO promised her that her fiancé would be able to join her soon. After
only two days, she could clearly see that her fiancé wasn't coming soon;
she wanted to leave the SO and come home. They were able to talk and he
decided to leave and go back home too. The SO tried to "handle" Jessica
to stay and kept her there for one month against her will and made her
perform menial tasks like wash dishes. She told the people in charge
that she reported to daily that she wanted to come home. Jessica is very
feisty and was determined to get out of there, after one month of
persistence, she was home. I was so happy and relieved to have her back
with me. She told me that the SO in charge yelled at her and would not
let her go home until she did her official route out. Then she said, "Oh
mom please doesn’t tell anyone I said this I could get in big trouble!!!"
I was beyond furious! That they treated her this way and lied to her
about her fiance joining her, this was all so surreal and shocking to me.

At the seven month mark, I still struggled to recover from my surgery but
the emotional trauma from missing my son was not helping I was still on
pain pills when needed and Advil. In the time that Jeremy was in the SO,
I was only able to speak to him five times. My husband would see me
crying because they would not let me talk to him and he was infuriated
and ready to fly me to Florida to get Jeremy even though my immense knee
pain rendered me unable to do so. During the minimal times we did talk,
I could tell something was wrong and Jeremy told me a couple times that
he was in school and doing well. On the contrary, Jeremy had sufficient
schooling only a handful of times, a total disregard for the “Power Of
Attorney for Care Of Minor Child” that clearly stated he would attend
regular schooling. I didn't believe he was doing well at all, I guess
it's a mothers intuition!! The Sea Org had promised me that Jeremy would
continue his orthodontic treatment that he had been in the process of for
the past three years and now he was ready for his final stage of
treatment, braces. He never got any orthodontic treatment, another
broken promise and the "Power Of Attorney for Medical Care Of Minor”
violated. Jeremy had his drivers permit and needed to continue his hours
of driving, another promise the church had ensured me, yet he never had
an opportunity to practice while he was there.

Jeremy was in the CMO (Commanders Messenger Organization, a very high
ranking section in the SO) and for three months was in the regular EPF
(boot-camp training) then went to the CMO EPF. In the seven month time
period that he was a member of the Sea Org, he had only a few days off
and was paid just $30.00 a week. I got a call from Jeremy that he wanted
to come home and that he was going to leave the SO. I was so excited, I
was beside myself. Jeremy said it would be a couple of days. The very
thought of having him home for Thanksgiving was overwhelmingly thrilling.
A couple days later and he says, "I'm still going through the procedure
of routing out and I won't be there for Thanksgiving." I was extremely
upset! I called Jeremy on Thanksgiving three times, very angered because
I couldn't get through.

When I did finally get through, I asked if he
was having Thanksgiving dinner to which he replied, "No mom, I am not
allowed to be on the SO base and around the SO members." He was off the
base in isolation and under guard. He had to stay away from the members
in "good standing".

I was really pissed now and so was the family!!!
The following week, I called three to four times a day attempting to get
my son home; Jeremy was isolated and kept under guard for seven to ten
days. Jeremy was only sixteen, held against his will and in isolation for
seven to ten days, to a teenager, that must seem like forever. My
multiple daily calls went unanswered while he sat in isolation wanting
nothing more than to come home. Fortunately, he was finally able to come

In leaving the Sea Organization, Jeremy was issued a "free loader" debt
of $950.00. Until this debt was paid, he could not take any courses or
services with the church. He got a job at a motorcycle shop and made
payments with the church over a six month time frame to pay what they
claimed he owed them in order to remain in good standing with the church.
At seventeen, a minor legally unable to sign or adhere to a contract, he
paid the debt in full.

I was ecstatic!!
I got to the airport early and sat by the gate with
anticipation of seeing my son that I haven't seen in seven months. As he
approached, I was flowing with excitement to see him, we hugged and I
cried. Then we went to our favorite place for dinner, Chili's. I asked
Jeremy about his seven months in the SO. He told me "I don't want to
talk about it and what is important is that I am home now."
I kept trying to find out what he did there, but he adamantly made it clear he
did not want to discuss it. I thought this was very strange. Jeremy and
I usually talk about everything, so this was ODD to me.

I was full of JOY to finally have both of my kids back home. Slowly,
Jeremy opened up to me and said, "Mom, I know you had a really hard time
crying and missing me, but I want you to know it was even harder for me,
I cried many nights to come home and I couldn't tell you because the SO
said I shouldn't tell you while you're recovering from your knee
replacement”. He said that being there was really hard on him and that
he missed me a lot and was very homesick. I was furious that the church
kept this from me.

I got Jeremy back in school and found that he was very behind because he
had no schooling when he was in the SO. Per the law, he was required to
be in school and he only went approximately three days in the seven
months he was in the SO. Another violation that the SO committed. A few
months later, Jeremy mentioned that his toe was hurting. I asked him
about it and he said, "I had an ingrown toenail and had a toe procedure
done in the Sea Org by a doctor and it was very painful." I told Jeremy
that I should have been told about this being his mom. He seemed upset
about this procedure, but he was quite reluctant to divulge any
information regarding this procedure. His toe continued to hurt and when
I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go to the doctor he said "NO!!!” This put
up another red flag for me as a mom; I had an uneasy feeling about this
"toe procedure".

Six months later, we went to Clear Lake for my Moms 4th July Birthday
week. Jeremy was talking to his Grandma, my mom. My mom was asking him
about his stay in the SO. Jeremy slipped and said," Oh Nonie, I am not
allowed to talk about that I signed a 3 MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT TO NEVER
ETERNITY!" Additionally, he added that if he were to break this contract,
he would no longer be able to take any Scientology courses. My mom said,"
WHAT!!!!" That is not legal or binding you were only sixteen years old.
She asked if he received a copy and he said no. My mom told me this and
we both thought...HUGE RED FLAG THIS IS INSANE!!!!

I couldn't fathom any reason why a "church" would order anyone to sign a
contract blackmailing them into silence. What could have taken place that
was so damning and horrible that they required a gag contract?

Effective August 30, 2010, my mother and I resigned from the Church of
Scientology. Neither of us could deny that we were obviously a part of a
corrupt and manipulating organization and we no longer wanted any part of
it. The day we resigned, my mom and I met my kids at our office to
explain to them that we resigned and why. Jessica got very upset, she
voiced her concerns that her grandmother and I would be declared
suppressive (a bad person) and if she kept in contact with us then she
would be declared as well. Jeremy was more receptive and agreed with a
lot of things we were saying. We told them to take a couple days to
think about what we said.

The next weekend was Labor Day and I was told by a friend that their
father said to Jessica and Jeremy this, “If you don't disconnect from
your Mom then I will disconnect from you because no one is going to take
my eternity away from me!” We were all up at the lake for Labor Day, a
big family weekend and my daughter was very upset with me for resigning,
my son was a little more understanding.

After my mom and I resigned, Pat Wehner and Maryjoe Hyland came over to
me and my mom’s work to talk to my mom and try to handle her and convince
her not to resign. Pat told my mom, "This will be a shock wave across
the planet!" My mom said clearly, “Lori and I are done." They both
looked sick about this and left. In the following weeks Mary Joe
attempted to try to handle my mom and coerce her to not resign from the
COS and to not get a repayment of my mom’s money on account. She tried
to show her COS policies and tell her the consequences of her leaving and
getting her money back that was owed to her. My Mom and I have a lot of
integrity and stayed firm on our decision to leave the COS.

My Children were very upset with me and they would not listen to why I
wanted to leave. I was extremely upset about possibly losing my children
and what I had gone through the past five years with my kids. I was not
doing well; I struggled trying to sort out my feelings in addition to
figure out for myself if I could salvage what I did find helpful about
Scientology initially. I found Marty Rathbun, a former high ranking
member of the COS who counsels other ex members to help them with their
betrayals from the COS and if they choose to continue their counseling.
I visited him in December 2010. He was in Texas and I had not told
anyone of my whereabouts or what I was doing. The COS strongly opposes
anyone of their members or ex- members to practice Scientology outside
The Church; they refer to it as "squirreling".

After arriving home the following day from my visit with Marty in Texas,
I was harassed and threatened by John Allender, an undercover operative
for the Church of Scientology. He approached me in the parking lot at my
office in an aggressive manner and asked, “Do you enjoy beatings?"
Apparently, he was aware of my whereabouts, this became obvious when he
said, "You've been doing some squirreling over the weekend." I
immediately reported this incident to the authorities. It became rather
clear to me that I was being followed.

I decided to share my short story on Marty Rathbuns blog, “Moving on up a
Little Higher," and I went public about John Allender's threats towards
me. My children Jeremy and Jessica were coerced and manipulated by the
COS and their father to disconnect from me because I had left the
"church", "squirreled" and went public about John Allender's threat to
me. At this time, I spoke to Pat Wehner to request a refund on the
$11,000 that I had on account with the "church" for future services. My
daughter met with my mother and me and told us that if I got my money
back, I would become an enemy to her and to the "church". I was also told
that Pat had already spent my money and would have to pay it back out of
his own pocket and that I shouldn't have gone public about the threats
made against me by John Allender. I told her that I wanted my money back,
I would not be returning for any services and I had every intention of
going public with details about the injustices that the COS has inflicted
upon me, my family and my children!

My children told me that unless I got back in good standing with the COS
and take their steps to rectify the situation, they could not be around
me. This is the “church’s" disconnection policy, HANDLE OR DISCONNECT!
Since my mom and I could not be "HANDLED", my children were manipulated
to disconnect from us as of Feb 6, 2011. My mom and I have not seen
Jessica or Jeremy since Feb 6, 2011 and they both live near us.

My father, stepmother and brother tried to talk to my children on Easter
to get them to look at what the COS was doing to "fair game" me.
game is a cruel strategy the COS enacts on those who are blowing the
whistle on the "church's" abuses! My kids refused to look at anything
critical of their Church. There is a video showing Scientology's
harassment towards me. (link Squirrel Busters Video)

My children are no longer allowed to be around any member of the family
that is critical of Scientology or any member that has tried to get my
children to see how insane this "church" is and that disconnecting from
family and those who love you most is immoral and wrong! My parents are
in their seventies and cannot be a part of their grand children's lives
because of this disconnection policy. My sister is nine months pregnant
and Jeremy and Jessica cannot be there to revel in the joy of seeing
their new baby cousin and being a part of his life!

I was so upset that I felt I needed to go back to Texas to get help from
Marty. I was mentally unable to handle the pain from the disconnection
and the abuses I received from the "church". In April 2011, I went to
Marty's. On my first day in counseling, John Allender, the man who just
had threatened me in December and Mark Warlick (the man that I asked for
help to stop the recruiting of my son) from San Jose followed me across
state lines to Texas to try to stop me from meeting with Marty. They
showed up with two other men in heinous light blue t-shirts with Marty’s
picture on the front saying, “Squirrel" and cameras taped to their heads
with a camera man. They slammed on Marty's door while I was downstairs
having a lunch break. The slamming on the door was similar to how the
recruiters slammed on my door when they were recruiting my son.
I saw it was John Allender and was terrified, Marty told me to lock my door and
stay inside. Marty called the Sheriff and we reported the harassment and
the stalking me across state lines (all the way from San Jose, CA).
I also reported this to the authorities that I am currently working with.
This incident left me clearly shaken and even more determined to stop
these abuses from occurring. Three days later, a Squirrel Busters van
with the logo on the side drove down the street near Marty's house and we
saw them and they drove away. Then one morning I saw a man watching me
from across the Canal.

Upon arriving home, I found sexual liable about me on the internet. It
was a "blog" written by a person calling themselves Minerva, pretending
to be Marty Rathbun and even uses his name for the website when it isn't
him. In addition to Minerva's slander, a commenter on the blog uses my
name to continue to perpetuate the lies. This "Dear Diary" article has
very personal things probably taken from my confidential counseling
folders and put on the internet for the world to see. It is cruel and
sick and another fair game tactic Scientology uses on ex-members for
leaving and speaking up.

On May 27, 2011 I found a package in my mailbox with no return address
which implies that someone physically placed it in my mailbox. Inside
contained a letter that read, "It has come to our attention that Marty
Rathbun is auditing PCs who are smoking dope. Perhaps you are not fully
aware of the effects drugs can have on an individual. Therefore, I am
sending you this Truth about Drugs booklets, which are very educational
on the dangerous effects of drugs. Minerva".
Included were the
pamphlets that were mentioned.

My mother and I have continued and will always continue to reach out to
Jessica and Jeremy until we are reunited once again.

On February 1, 2011 I received this text message from my daughter:

"OK. Honestly, I don't feel comfortable going to you and CR's (my
husband) birthday dinner and sitting there acting like nothing is wrong
when I am very enturbulated (upset) about what is happening. I do wish
you and CR a very happy birthday, but I'm not going to come on Saturday.
I will be there for Papa's on Sunday to wish him a happy birthday and see
the family."

On Easter my mom and I sent Jessica and Jeremy Easter cards with money
and they both sent them back to us saying they could not accept them
because we are not in good standing with their Church. This past Mothers
day, I invited both of my kids over for a BBQ; they told me they could
not see me. Jeremy turned eighteen in June and I could not share this
very special day with my son. I asked him if we could do something fun
together for his birthday and I got no response. Another birthday we
missed together because of the COS! In July, my Mom turned seventy two
and we had a family celebration at the Lake. My two children always
celebrate this fun week at the lake with us. Jessica and Jeremy were
across the Lake with my cousin but did not come over to see us. Jeremy
sent me another disconnection text.

On July 4, 2011 I received this text message from Jeremy:

"Mom I'm having a very hard time too and I never thought in my right mind
that this would happen to us and it is a big bummer. But you know what
you and Nonie need to do to put this family back together and that's
that. I really hope you guys fix this and we are all a family again. I
miss u very much and hope everything is better soon but I can't be around
u guys with this going on. You are my mother I will love u and miss u

On July 15, 2011 I received this text from Jeremy:

"Mom...Please just handle this situation. You know what steps you need to
do. It’s that easy and if me and sissy aren't worth doing that then I
have nothing else to say. I do love and miss you but I can't be around u
with this going on."

On May 1, 2011 I received this text from Jessica:

"I did. I even watched that video. I am a scientologist and I expect
that to be respected. I told you before that this would be a complete
different story if u just decided not to be a part of the church anymore
and went off and did ur own thing. But u are attacking my group. U are
being part of a squirrel group. By definition and fact they are squirrels
and are trying to put a bad name to my church. And I don't see how we can
have a comm line when u r attacking my group and committing suppressive
acts and by definition in the ethics book u r committing suppressive acts
and that is lrh. I really don't want things to be like this and I’d like
to handle it but we can’t have an OK comm line until this stop.
Scientology and my friends that are scientologists have helped me greatly
in life. I believe in it 100% and that won't change. This has even been
a wakeup call for me and made me realize how important it really is for
me to get up my bridge now."

Jessica turned twenty one in August and I sent her balloons and a
beautiful card to her place of employment and I got no response. I also
asked her if we could do something special for her big day and not tell
anyone so we could be together, no response. My sister is pregnant and
just had a beautiful baby shower which Jessica was invited to, no
response. This was the first summer at the Lake without my kids and it
was so very sad for all of us. We all miss them very much and hope soon
they come back to their loving family who cares so much for them. In July
my son changed his phone number so I can no longer text him. In August
my Facebook was broken into or hacked into three times from Texas and
twice from Washington. I have pictures of this and reported this to the

The San Jose Mission (where I used to take classes at and where my kids
are being coerced to disconnect from me and my family) just moved 1/2
block away from me and my mom’s office. My ex has my son working
construction there. So my son is working a 1/2 block away from me and
yet I can't see him.

I also have been trying to get my money on account (never used for
services) back from the San Jose Mission of the COS.
Pat Wehner, the
Mission Holder of San Jose, will not give me my money back unless I sign
a Claims and Verification form signing away my rights, and do the steps
and "conditions" in Scientology that are required to get my money back.
It states that I can't go to an outside third party etc... This violates
my constitutional rights.

John Allender was watching me from his truck when he drove by me at the
Pruneyard in Campbell in August 2011. Just yesterday members of my ex
husbands family have disconnected from me fearing that staying in contact
with me would jeopardize a member of their family, to what extent I do
not know. They also feared that further contact with me would most
definitely lead to a disconnection from their family. My children are
being told by the "church" that I am crazy and that I am spewing lies
about the church.

The Church of Scientology is a dangerous, paranoid and unjust
organization. They utilize fair game which, in their opinion means that
they can lie, trick and do whatever it takes to destroy me utterly as an
open critic of the church. I have been harassed, threatened, stalked and
continue to be fair gamed even now. They also use disconnection as a
means of power over their members. Having thoughts that are not favorable
towards Scientology will inevitably lead to losing the ones you love
through this forced policy.

I did find value in some of my Scientology courses and counseling.
After leaving the "church", I was unsure of whether or not to continue my
belief in Scientology without the interference of the organization. I
sought help and counsel from Marty Rathbun. He is a phenomenal counselor
and helped me greatly in decompressing from my time and struggles within
the COS. For that, I am truly grateful. After leaving the church, I
spent a lot of time researching LRH and the policies of disconnection and
fair game, both of which I struggle to deal with daily. I am no longer a
Scientologist in any capacity.

Not a second passes that I don't miss my children with every fiber of my
being, that I don't ache to hear their voices and make new memories with
them. I'm telling my story to shed light on the abuses that continue to
go on within the Church of Scientology, to bring my children back where
they belong, with their family, with me.
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